Friday, April 21, 2006
When I was small...
and you were my big daddy up there...
You loved me...
As I grew up...
and started school...
You loved me...
Then I made friends...
and began to wonder about you...
You loved me...
When I fought with my siblings...
Or rebelled against my parents...
You loved me...
When I decided to forget you...
To live life on my own...
You loved me...
While I was astray...
Figuring out what the world is like...
You loved me...
When I realised I sinned...
And did you wrong...
You loved me...
When I struggled with the guilt...
And feared to return...
You loved me...
Then you looked for me instead...
To show me it's okay...
To show you love me...
As my wounds healed...
As well as my heart...
You loved me..
You loved me..
And You patiently waited...
And You still love me..
I can only say thank you...
for forgiving me...
And I love You too.
-Sarah K. Seah (me)
A sort of poem up there. Well, I don't think it can be considered a poem, but it was definitely holy spirit inspired. If you haven't guessed, is written to God. It basically describes my life so far; the journey I've made. For those of you who know my testimony, I was born into a Christian family. When I was a kid, I knew big daddy God, but I don't think I had a very close relationship with him. Then when I was growing up, I noticed that other kids were sharing that intimate relationship with God. They even had visions and heard from him. The best thing I dad was cry. So I began to question myself, did I really know God? Do I even believe in him??? Then I began to doubt myself. Thereafter, things slowly fell apart.
It wasn't so bad though, because of my fear of provoking God and the fact that I didn't want my parents to find out. I had this good girl act. In school, I learnt swearing (though not that bad) and other stuff. Nevertheless, I continued to go to church and be amazed by those kids. Then, I hit my preteen years, and decided that I'm rather sick and tired of the act. But the fear held on to me. So I kept it up. Then when I was fifteen( last year), I was planning to tell my parents I'm going to stop going to church. However, God being the great wonderful being he is, finally spoke to me through some kids in Australia.
That is the brief summary, there 's more to it, but nevermind all that. it's over anyway. Picking up bad stuff wasn't that terrible because of my fear - of what I'm not sure. But I thank God for the fear. Now everyday, I'm still in a awe of God. Hah. I LOVE YOU GOD!!!
Not much else to say, I haven't been online for awhile because although I aimed to keep to an hour on the computer everyday, in the end, I just didn't go online. Haha. Busy year this year alright. Anyway, good night!
